Creation

How can it be possible
to lose
something you never had
to feel its loss so deep
in the marrow of your bones
inside the vacant but living womb

what happens to a woman
if she never gets used up
if her belly never swells
and the cry is never heard
and yet the rhythm goes on
regular as clockwork
bleeding and screaming

still my body is fit for life
a host
still it remains silent and empty
all those things that you fill your life with
to keep going
if you don’t, the pain comes back
the vacant, useless and empty vessel.

Two failed IVF cycles
No results
And I give up – or give in
is this fate or fear?
medicine or miracle?
end of the road for my fertile body
let its fertility grow old and fade away

Can there be a death of
Something never living?
A hope, a wish of life
of creation
There is a death of that
and a loss
and a grief cry to resound its existence